Hi, so here’s my situation……I met someone off of the internet (talked to him
first a number of times on msn/added on facebook & he seemed normal enough) &
we’ve hung out 5 times now. It’s always been at his place, watching movies,
having a few drinks & talking. Last time we actually made out/fell asleep in
the same bed. Up until then nothing had really happened. He then told me that
he wasn’t looking for a serious relationship as he had just gotten out of one
in september, but wants to keep dating me because he has a good time seeing
me.
I guess I’m just looking for an outsider view on what that actually means. i’m
honestly not looking for a serious relationship either since I’m planning on
moving away next fall anyway. I really just want a boyfriend for the next 8
months. He doesn’t seem to want to just sleep with me or else he would have
tried by now. Is it that he wants to be free to see other people and just wants
me as a friend with benefits?
Do you think if I keep seeing him that it could potentially develop into a
relationship?? I’ve never really been in one so I don’t even know what that is
defined by. Please help!
confession n. A written or oral statement acknowledging guilt, made by one who has been accused or charged with an offense.
|
|
It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.
— Oscar Wilde
It's kind of like being in someone's head while they're praying or thinking about things they'd never say outloud.
— Yaflapkik
|
|
January 5th, 2010 at 8:07 pm
Personally, whenever I’ve had a guy say he doesnt want anything serious, usually that means sex, but I would say it at least means that you’re not “exclusive” with each other. I would very much agree with you and say yes, a “friends with benefits” situation could be what he means.
I would say if you like hanging out with each other then just keep seeing each other and hanging out. But don’t make it exclusive (like don’t stop seeing/talking to other men) unless you’ve had a conversation with him specifically saying you two are not gonna see other people.
Just also be careful…becomes sometimes a “friends with benefit” situation could turn into trouble if one person ends up falling hard for the other person. I had a guy who was obsessed with me when I told him I didn’t really want a relationship from the start, and I have also fallen for guys who I was just hanging out with. So if you keep seeing him, just be careful about getting too attached and keep it light & fun unless you both want a serious thing.
January 24th, 2010 at 9:30 pm
I don’t know…..it’s been 7 weeks that we’ve been dating now & we still havn’t had sex. I don’t think he’s in it just for those benefits. He seems very caring, makes an effort to see me, always pays for me when we go out, is always considerate about my views. Actually I’m going a little bit crazy with the lack of physical action right about now. We only made out that one time and havn’t kissed since. I wonder if he is just a little shy with that.
He seems like an around great guy, makes me smile, not opinionated, funny, sweet. Apparently used to be a partyer but has matured in the past couple of years. I still don’t feel like I know him all that well or him me, I guess because I havn’t talked about any of my darker life experiencess. But I suppose that’s why we are still getting to know each other. I feel like, if I found out that I wasn’t moving away in the fall (I won’t know till May) that we would end up in a relationship. I don’t think he is seeing anyone else (always with me on weekends and has crazy long days on weekends) so it seems like all that is missing a facebook status and “meet the parents” night.
I hope this one works out for me. I always fell for the guy who was taken and never lucked out. Here is a guy who is single and knows how to be in a relationship . I’m a strong believer that past behaviour predicts future behaviour. I bet he was hurt by his ex (they were together for a VERY long time so it must have been horrible breaking up) but at the end of the day it was his choice (she was pressuring him for marraige and he didn’t want that). I can imagine that he would need some time to just not have that relationship status. He probably doesn’t know if he can trust me right now or if I am right for him. I don’t know that about him either. But at least at the moment we are playing around with that idea and not just giving up, just enjoying each others company.
January 26th, 2010 at 9:22 pm
If they were together (him and his ex) for a very long time and he didn’t want to marry her that says a lot. I wouldn’t want to be with someone for years and not have it go anywhere.
It’s good that you guys are hanging out now and just enjoying it. But just be prepared in case he asks you to be his girlfriend.. you either will break it off in 8 months when you leave, or it will turn into a long-distance thing. But I guess that all depends on how you feel about him later on down the line.
Personally I would probably talk to him and ask him what he wants: i.e. a girlfriend, or just to hang out as friends, etc., and then let him know you are leaving… just so neither of you gets hurt later on.
January 31st, 2010 at 8:47 pm
I wish he would ask me to be his girlfriend. I’ll talk to him about what he wants sometime soon.