before i left for a summer abroad, i had a decent guy who really liked me, but i
was afraid to just be with him. while i was away, i thought i had all of these
opportunities come up that i couldn’t refuse (re: grad school), but found out
that they were not quite what i thought they were. now i am home and everything
is different. i’m not afraid to be with him; he’s afraid to be with me. i cannot
decide what i want to do about applying to grad school and i feel like i have a
lot of pressure on me to make decisions immediately. i just can’t.
confession n. A written or oral statement acknowledging guilt, made by one who has been accused or charged with an offense.
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It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.
— Oscar Wilde
It's kind of like being in someone's head while they're praying or thinking about things they'd never say outloud.
— Yaflapkik
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August 14th, 2009 at 7:03 pm
About the guy: it’s not surprising he’s going to act like that, when you acted that way towards him before the summer. Just give him some time and space, and if you are meant to be together it will happen later on.
As for school, graduate school can start at any time… in my school, we have people coming in september, jan, or summer… it’s generally a more open and flexible schedule than undergraduate. Don’t let this guy cloud your judgement on school either (I mean don’t make any school/residency decisions based on whether or not you want to stay in town and be with him). You can always get a job now and decide to go to grad school a bit later. Maybe this time will be good for you now so you can research the opportunities a bit more and find one that sounds really good…
August 15th, 2009 at 2:50 am
Thanks for the comment. I know it isn’t surprising about the guy… I just wish I had the foresight at the time, you know. We were good friends to begin with and we’re going back to good friends, again. I’m going to give him time and space, but I think I just screwed it all up and I feel horrible about it.
The grad schools I have been looking at look like they all take people only in the Fall, which is why I feel this strangling immediacy; I would have to apply in the next few months and take the GRE and I just don’t know if I feel like it. I guess there is always next year, but I feel like I’m wasting time.
August 15th, 2009 at 10:14 am
Nah you’re not wasting time. I went to college after high school, I took a year off, then went to university… I took another year off just now and I’m going to grad school in September. I’m 27 now and I’m just starting my Masters. Don’t worry about the time, it’s really only ONE more year, in the end it won’t really matter. Better to wait and save up some money instead of rushing into it.
The same thing happened to me with another guy a few years ago too. He disappeared after we dated briefly with no notice or warning. Months later he told me he was scared to be with me, blah blah, and he felt like he screwed it up. By then I already had moved on. I would’ve tried it again with him, but our personalities and interests were so different - we had nothing in common. I guess my point is this guy could be willing to try again a bit later on… if it’s meant to happen it will…
August 15th, 2009 at 8:58 pm
I’ll be 27 in a few weeks, actually. My sister recently gave me hell over not applying to grad school last year, which is another contributing factor to this feeling, I’m sure. I do have to say, she didn’t pursue her MA/PHD track until she was somewhere around 35, so I guess it really doesn’t matter :)
I’m really hoping with some time and hanging out, thing will either go back to how they were before I left, or I will lose this angsty feeling. We have loads in common and have been friends for a very, very long time, so I suppose it will have to go one way or the other. Thanks so much for the messages :)
August 16th, 2009 at 4:14 pm
hahaha wow we’re twins - my 36 year old sister can be a real bitch sometimes too… yeah she bugs me about school sometimes too, but I just ignore her - it’s not her life.. sometimes I think she’s just jealous because her life didn’t turn out the way she wanted (bitter divorce, she’s single now, no kids), and things are going alright with me now …just do your own thing, if she asks, tell her you WILL go back eventually, but only when you are ready and not pressured by others :D
August 20th, 2009 at 7:26 pm
Ug, god, she crushed my dreams again today. I just don’t understand the fun of being like “FAIL!” to one of your friends/siblings. I think she’s happy b/c her life DID turn out the way she wanted, but you’d think she’d be cooler about stuff because of that.
You might be the one I responded to like forever ago re: a scorpion tattoo. If not, there is just a world of vengeful sisters out there LOL
November 7th, 2009 at 7:43 pm
Typical old douchebag giving some advice for stupid people. LOL