I still think of you more often than I suppose I should. If I could go back in
time I would have asked you out immediately. But I didn’t and now everything
feels like I made an ass out of myself because I regret never being with you, I
had all these fantasies about the possiblities of us. So many things I wanted to
do and say to you and for you. But it seems like it is this way every time I
always like the wrong man. And you were a man. Even now I am afraid to see you.
I start shaking when you are around so much fear and nervousness all over my
body in my mind. You struck me down G. In an instant. Like damn bolt of
lightening shot through by life. Shattering everything. I had never felt
anything like that before. I wish I could have met you somewhere else somewhere
where I could have had a chance but I never did. You had so many women admiring
you. Ones that had better lives than me. Ones that put out for you cuz you knew
you would have had to work for it with me. And you work hard enough at
everything else why would you choose to work for it if you could just have it
thrown at you by J and B and whoever else. I hate you. I hate that if I saw you
somewhere I would blush and get weak in the knees and pray to God that you would
not notice even tho u did all the while. I wish I could just forget You G, I
wish it didn’t still hurt I wish that I had never ever met you. I know that
sounds harsh but I just hate the way I feel when I still hear things about you.
When Im with other men I want you still but not as much as when i had to be
around you all the time. Why couldn’t you have given me a real chance? why did
you flirt with me so much? why did you lie to me. why did you do so many nice
things for me. why couldn’t you have just left me alone. Now were not even
friends. Thats ok I never wanted to be a friend to you. I wanted to be your
woman. I so would’ve stuck by your side through everything and you just let me
go. I hope to god that all this becomes worth it someday and I meet someone
better than u and you disapear from my life comletely forever. Please don’t let
me hear anything else. Really when it comes right down to it I want you to be
happy. Be happy with her. Really. But I just don’t ever want to see you again
or hear your name I can’t deal with the rush. I like someone else and I am so
afraid that he is like you that I can barely talk to him sometimes I avoid him
because I am so scared of feeling the way i felt for you and again have nothing
reciprocated. What if he is like you and I am just wasting my damn time and
energy again.
confession n. A written or oral statement acknowledging guilt, made by one who has been accused or charged with an offense.
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It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.
— Oscar Wilde
It's kind of like being in someone's head while they're praying or thinking about things they'd never say outloud.
— Yaflapkik
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May 29th, 2009 at 8:42 pm
This is sad. Men are assholes, not all of them, but a good handful of them. I think we have to find a balance between being cautious and making ourselves vulnerable - I’m still working on that one. I hate being hurt too so when you are its hard to trust again. But I don’t think its fair to not trust a new person because of what a different person did to you. Just give in to the new people little bit by bit when they proove themselves to be trustworthy. Most times people don’t mean to hurt other people, but they end up doing it anyhow, often unknowingly. I hate emotions sometimes.
June 1st, 2009 at 9:08 am
Like #1 said, not all men are assholes - some, but not all.
It took me a while to get over the first guy that cheated on me. I had other boyfriends, but I still hated him and was very bitter towards him. I hated how women used to throw themselves at him and kept asking “why didn’t you want me? what was wrong with me?” Well…there’s nothing wrong with me - a jerk.
Now, 8 years later, he was messaging me again on MSN complaining how his girlfriend of 4 years left him and how devastated he was. My response was “karma’s a bitch, isn’t it?” I realize that he’s just a small and petty man, and I laugh when he says he has women ‘wrapped around his finger’. I remind him he has nothing around his finger. He could’ve had something great with me but he blew it. It actually worked out better for me since his experience helped me break the pattern of abusive/bad relationships I was getting into. I have someone who treats me like a queen now, and it’s wonderful.
You WILL get over this guy. Just focus on your own life now and on making yourself happy. Nothing else matters but that. Let yourself trust again slowly, but cautiously. This new guy may be a jerk too, but so what if he is?? Is that the end of the world? No, if anything, you will just learn different things from each relationship you are in. And you will come out stronger for it.