CollegeConfessional.net

I fear I’m becoming depressed again. I don’t know what to do. When all the
healthy coping mechanisms don’t work anymore and just make me feel exhausted, i
dont know what to do. I don’t know why I am crying. I have no real reason to be.
Strangely crying when you have no reason to be is more painful than anyone could
imagine, because you just feel so fucked up for crying for no reason. I want to
fall asleep & I can’t. I want to be able to do something that will make me feel
better. I don’t know who to talk to so here I am. I hate all of the people on
this website who criticize what the desperate people say. This isn’t
collegecriticism.net. If you want to make other people feel badly about
themselves, try making yourself feel badly first, maybe that will get it out of
your system. I’m alone, yes I’m pathetic and alone.Shouldn’t be, but am. I
wonder if I hang on just a little bit longer if I’ll start to feel better. I
can’t do this depression thing again. I barely made it through last time, fuck
I have no idea how I made it through last time, well antidepressants is how. I
like how I am on the maximum does of antidepressants and now when I start to
become depressed there really is nothing that can help me because I can no
longer have my doctor up my dosage. That always feels great. I want someone I
can’t have, I have a stupid test coming up that will decide the rest of my life
and I don’t have the energy or motivation to study for it. I try to think of
what I could do. Just mix my life up by going away to travel somewhere for a
year, I wonder if that would work. And there are so many people who are much
much worse off than me and that makes me sad. God is a fucking joke.

I don’t know if I want to be friends with you anymore. I don’t like your
boyfriend and I don’t like how you act in public. I don’t understand you and
the way that you live your life. I don’t like the way you talk to people. I so
don’t know how we even became friends. You always have to be the center of
attention and you’ll do ANYTHING for it. There is just not a whole lot of
things that I like about you these days and I don’t know what to do because I
remember the good times. I remember the fun and the talks and just being
friends. You’ve been there for me alot of times. YOu make really bad terrible
choices with out thinking at all and then you blame everyone else. YOu have so
many issues. I feel overwhelmed just being in the room with you. I just don’t
know what to say anymore. I don’t. You say you hate drama but you are the
biggest drama queen ever. when are you going to be your self again. Do I have
to walk away. Should I??I don’t owe you anything. You don’t owe me. I Just
don’t know how the fuck I am supposed to be a friend to you anymore. YOu don’t
even listen to me. You just talk and act so shallow and you don’t care about
anyone else’s feelings but your own.

I still think of you more often than I suppose I should. If I could go back in
time I would have asked you out immediately. But I didn’t and now everything
feels like I made an ass out of myself because I regret never being with you, I
had all these fantasies about the possiblities of us. So many things I wanted to
do and say to you and for you. But it seems like it is this way every time I
always like the wrong man. And you were a man. Even now I am afraid to see you.
I start shaking when you are around so much fear and nervousness all over my
body in my mind. You struck me down G. In an instant. Like damn bolt of
lightening shot through by life. Shattering everything. I had never felt
anything like that before. I wish I could have met you somewhere else somewhere
where I could have had a chance but I never did. You had so many women admiring
you. Ones that had better lives than me. Ones that put out for you cuz you knew
you would have had to work for it with me. And you work hard enough at
everything else why would you choose to work for it if you could just have it
thrown at you by J and B and whoever else. I hate you. I hate that if I saw you
somewhere I would blush and get weak in the knees and pray to God that you would
not notice even tho u did all the while. I wish I could just forget You G, I
wish it didn’t still hurt I wish that I had never ever met you. I know that
sounds harsh but I just hate the way I feel when I still hear things about you.
When Im with other men I want you still but not as much as when i had to be
around you all the time. Why couldn’t you have given me a real chance? why did
you flirt with me so much? why did you lie to me. why did you do so many nice
things for me. why couldn’t you have just left me alone. Now were not even
friends. Thats ok I never wanted to be a friend to you. I wanted to be your
woman. I so would’ve stuck by your side through everything and you just let me
go. I hope to god that all this becomes worth it someday and I meet someone
better than u and you disapear from my life comletely forever. Please don’t let
me hear anything else. Really when it comes right down to it I want you to be
happy. Be happy with her. Really. But I just don’t ever want to see you again
or hear your name I can’t deal with the rush. I like someone else and I am so
afraid that he is like you that I can barely talk to him sometimes I avoid him
because I am so scared of feeling the way i felt for you and again have nothing
reciprocated. What if he is like you and I am just wasting my damn time and
energy again.

I just got drunk with my parents and am thinking that they are a lot more
awesome than I had ever realized. God I miss him so much. He comes back
tomorrow…….one month was too fucking long

After I saw you sitting outside of your class I noticed our eyes locked and you
smiled and said hi. I said hi to be polite and I thought you were pretty cute.
I didn’t expect to see you again in the same spot and you waved. I wish I had
the guts to start a conversation with you but I’m afraid to since we don’t know
each other.

I have been flirting with a male professor of mine all semester. He’s relatively
young and he’s single. He’s also really attractive.
After the final exam I asked him out for coffee. He took me up on the offer. He
was being flirty but vague about sex, like he has been doing all semester.
After the ‘date’ I couldn’t stand it anymore and I just asked him if he wanted
to have sex with me or not. He replied no, that he was flattered but he had to
be professional.
Well, you know what, he wasn’t being very professional this entire time, with
all the ogling and the suggestive comments.
What a douche.

I’m afraid I’m shallow.

I feel so sad…the semester is almost over and I won’t be able to see this
professor that I have a crush on. I think I’m going to miss him a lot over the
summer…

This one is just for fun….
Briefly describe your unattainable crush & then give his title/relationship to
you.

I’ll go first:

He’s got dark hair & eyes, is incredibly intriging, funny, intelligent,
open-minded, dimples when he laughs…….sometimes he doesn’t shave and I
seriously lose all of my self-control when I see his stubble.

He is my prof!

I have a girlfriend’s birthday coming up this weekend (I’m a female). Another
friend wants to go out later this week and buy gifts.

The problem is, I have been looking for a job for months and I don’t really
have any money right now. She wants to buy her an expensive gag gift from the
sex store, and some nice jewellery, and it doesn’t seem like she wants to go
halves with me on the gift either (she has a bit of a crush on the birthday
girl).

Should I insist we go halfway on the gifts due to my situation? Or should I
just try to get her a small something on my own and let the secret admirer buy
her own presents??