I am a white female with very strict, conservative, religious European immigrant
parents. One of my girlfriends is the same, and is having a bit of a hard time
with her folks now because she’s dating a Jewish man.
I stated to her, “well what did you honestly expect??”, and she got mad at me
for that and stopped speaking to me. Of course her parents will get mad. I
believe she will have to convert if they get married (but correct me if I’m
wrong with this). Her parents will naturally flip out and disown her if this
happens.
I personally feel that when it comes to dating & marriage, it’s just easier to
be with a similar culture as yourself. There’s the church/wedding ceremony
issue, the issue of each family accepting the other person, and what religion
will your future children embrace?? I like her Jewish boyfriend too, he’s a
nice man, but why do I feel like such a bad person trying to explain to her why
dating someone of a different religion will have obvious conflicts….
confession n. A written or oral statement acknowledging guilt, made by one who has been accused or charged with an offense.
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It is the confession, not the priest, that gives us absolution.
— Oscar Wilde
It's kind of like being in someone's head while they're praying or thinking about things they'd never say outloud.
— Yaflapkik
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December 30th, 2008 at 7:44 pm
It sounds to me like she is not really offended at what you said, but more at the fact that she’s upset about the conflicts with her family, and didn’t like the fact that you brought it up. I’m sure she knows her parents will have a hard time with it, so just try to be there for her, she probably doesn’t like being reminded of what her parents think of the whole situation.
January 1st, 2009 at 1:59 am
I am mormon and dating a baptist girl. my family is upset, but when you love someone, it really doesn’t matter what other people think. Just like any other problems that arise in a relationship, if you love someone you work them out, you don’t dump them because of this or that. yeah there will be difficulties for them, but they need support and love from their family and friends. Love should be unconditional.
January 2nd, 2009 at 9:42 pm
The chances are they will never get to the point of marriage. Maybe she thinks is none of your business and is just dating this man. This is the time in your life to meet a lot of people and get to know other cultures. When its time to really consider marriage, its much easier to marry within your religion.
January 3rd, 2009 at 8:36 pm
Good point, #3.
#2 - Love unfortunately does not conquer all. Do you consider what will happen if you two get married, and the arguments over raising your children as mormons vs. baptists start up??
January 3rd, 2009 at 9:02 pm
#4, did you ever think that maybe the parents will not force either religion on their children, but rather, let them choose what they believe in?
January 4th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
That’s a nice idea, but in actuality, it rarely works out that way. My ex-boyfriend was half asian, half white, and he knew nothing of his asian culture, didn’t speak the language, or celebrate any of the customs. His asian grandparents barely wanted anything to do with their grandchildren as a result of this. Usually the children will lean more towards one religion/culture than the other, leaving one side of the family more hurt and bitter towards
it. It all depends on how religious/spiritual each side is; if they are both very strict about upbringings (i.e. mormons and baptists are both that way), there is no way you can let the child choose without one parent/side feeling slighted about it…
January 4th, 2009 at 6:26 pm
It’s really unfortunate that his asian grandparents barely wanted anything to do with him or his sister. However, the grandparents told their daughter (his mom), that she would be losing her culture when she married a white man and they were right. She didn’t teach her children anything about their asian side, and as a result they completely lost touch with that side, instead of staying true to their roots and learning about where they came from.
March 10th, 2009 at 1:04 pm
Your friend just wanted sympathy. She was feeling upset by being rejected by her parents and came to you for sympathy about their rejection. Instead, your reply sounded like a rejection and an “I told you so” on top of her parents rejections. It is no one’s job to tell someone else if it’s a good idea to be in a relationship with someone. Friends just want you to care that they are upset. Next time try “That sounds really hard” or “I’m sorry that’s happening to you.” Leave your own feelings about what they’re doing out of it.