CollegeConfessional.net

I don’t know what is wrong with me. Sex hurts. It has for years. It is
excruciating. It feels like the worst period cramps you can imagine on top of
knives being thrusted into me. I’ve never come back with an abnormal
gynocological screening, and all of my fully-screened STD tests have been
clean. I’m getting sick of it. I used to pretend like I enjoyed sex and the
moans of pain were actually moans of pleasure. But now I can’t do it anymore. I
finally came clean with my boyfriend and now he has trust issues with me. Not
with me sleeping around, but because if I lied (mostly through omission) about
something so huge for so long, he wonders what else I would be lying about. I
don’t blame him, even though I’m not lying about anything. I just want to have
a normal sex life. We’ve been together for 3 years now, and while I want to
marry him, I don’t think it’s fair to continue to withhold sex from him because
of my pain… but I also don’t want to commit myself to a long life full of
painful sex. I freaking hate this.

I just ate an entire large bag of peanut m&ms. I binge binge binge but do not
purge. I’m pretty average weight, but I think I’ll probably die a lot sooner
than everyone else.

Anyone else feel this is the worst month ever? Everything seems to be going
wrong, and I keep feeling more alone as time goes on.

I am seriously messed up. I have so much trouble trusting people, especially my
boyfriend. Before he met me, he had a bunch of dating profiles up…and he
closed the one he used when we first started dating. Then I found some old
ones he had (but he didn’t log into them in years), and he closed those too
with no questions asked. He had simply forgotten about them.

So why am I still suspicious and jealous?? He has never done anything for me to
doubt him, he tells me he loves me everyday, he always tells me where he’s
going, who he’s going with, when he’s getting back from work. He comes home
from work and talks to me on msn until its bedtime every night. He tells me
he’s a one-woman man, I make him happy, and even if a pornstar came up and
started hitting on him he wouldn’t care, I’m the one he loves.

He doesn’t know I was sexually molested when I was younger. I think this may
be the reason for my jealousies and insecurities. I’m too ashamed and
embarassed to tell him. I’m afraid he wont look at me the same way. I think
I’m so ugly and I feel like a loser for having so much trouble trusting someone
who thinks the world of me. I just want to know how to deal with these negative
emotions.

i am still, after many years, perpetually confused by my girlfriend. sometimes,
i just don’t know what to do

I am in lust with my music professor. I am probably going to join his class
again next semester. If he only knew I spend extra time looking good for his
class. I email him online about stupid stuff. I don’t even care that he is
married. If I just get to kiss him once, it would all be worth it. I can’t stop
thinking about him, I really just want to tell him.

A lame confession, but what the hell:

I’m addicted to that Tila Tequila show. OMG, so much drama that I don’t have in
my life… fun times.

If I admitted that to any of my friends, I would be shunned for life. I’m
supposed to be an academic, NOT a fan of twenty-somethings getting freaky,
riled up, and baring all for the world to see….

I havent talked to my best friend from elementary school till freshman year in
college for pretty much a year.

I miss her. She was my best friend for almost 11 years. BUT when people tell me
about how she talks badly about me, or about how much she doesnt like my
boyfriend, or how she doesnt like seeing me happy with other friends—it
doesnt hurt so much anymore.

I think I’ve finally realized I need to let go of the only person I’ve loved
for their sake…because I will never really be okay because of my past, and
it’s not fair to put that on someone else.

I am sick. I think that I am dirty(HIV) I have no one to talk to about this,
and I am so afraid to go get the test. I want someone to go with me, but the
only person I could trust lives 2.5 hours away. He’s my gay male friend who I
think is positive. I want to tell him, but I don’t want to do it over the
phone. I think I have been infected for about 3 years, and I am getting
sicker. I have slept with 3 men since the time I think I got infected, two are
dear friends of mine that I trust to be disease free, the other is a man I love
very much, who will probebly kill me if I gave that to him. I thought I had
chronic fatigue syndrome, or a major depressive disorder, but I am getting more
physical signs. I am so afraid to get that test. I don’t want to know. But I
have to. How am I going to tell my friends and the man I love?????????