CollegeConfessional.net

For the record, I didn’t mean to like you, either. But I do and, if you are
sincere, then I am happy no matter what happens.

I just recently met the most amazing guy. He is all I ever dreamed of & more. No
one has ever treated me with such respect and care before. No one has ever told
me that 2 days away before he can see me seems like so far away, no one has
ever been so great to talk to. This all seems too good to be true. He makes me
happy and makes life better in every way. I feel so lucky right now.

For the longest time (i.e., over five years) I’ve been lamenting my lack of a
meaningful relationship. I always wait for others to pay attention to me…
even though I usually send off ‘don’t approach me’ vibes. I know, I’m weird.

I guess I’m just not very social because it’s easy. And I’ve become used to
it… not going out on weekends, telling myself to focus on school work. This
works for me because there is no chance of rejection. But there are times when
I just want to feel cared for… to have somebody hug me. Then I realize that
that level of comfort takes time and openness and vulnerability and I shut it
out. I’ve never been good at forming and maintaining relationships.

Usually, I don’t think about or feel my loneliness. It really only gets to me
when somebody shows interest in me. When somebody tries to strike up a
conversation, I am plesant, but not very engaging, and never initiate further
contact. I feel like I’m not interesting enough to hold anyone’s attention. But
I’m good at suppressing this. I’m used to it.

The reason this is coming to the surface is that I’m curently in a small class
with somebody who makes sure to sit next to me and wants to have a conversation
with me before/after every class. I’m pretty sure he’s flirting, but I can never
tell. He’s probably just very outgoing. On the one hand, I dread going to this
class because I know he’ll be there, and I’ll have to be polite and make small
talk… which I’m not good at. But on the other hand, I look forward to this.
It helps that he’s cute. The downside is that this person makes me realize what
I’ve been missing. Then I realize that this small talk is really meaningless,
and if I want more I’ll have to take initiative… with all that that entails.
And so I retreat, and the cycle continues.

Ok that’s a lot longer than I anticipated. And I didn’t think I’d cry writing
it, but I did.

What do you do when you’ve been with someone for almost 3 and a half years and
you find yourself falling in love with somebody else…

I feel like there is something wrong with me. Like there always has been
something very wrong with me. I’m so spaced out most of the time, and then
suddenly I’m so emotional. I so anxious all of the time. I want to fall in love
so much. My relationships never work. It seems to be me that is the problem. Why
will nobody love me? I am losing my motivation to study or do anything. I don’t
want to become depressed again. I don’t think I’m depressed right not, but I’m
unhappy. Very unhappy. I think only love has ever made me feel happy. Or what I
thought was love. Why am I so fucking different?

I slept with my professor. I am totally in love with him. I don’t know what to
do.

For the first time in a long time, I have something real and tangible that makes
me happy to wake up in the morning.

I really like this girl who was in my psych class last semester. She’s smart,
gorgeous, seems like a nice girl, everything I want. the problem is that i’m in
a relationship, a long-distance one that isn’t going to get closer anytime soon.
and i’m so enamored with this girl that i don’t talk to her, i never see her
anyways.

ah forget it, she’s too good for me..

I feel so bitter right now that I wanna cry. I guess it’s my fault for giving
everything I have unconditionally to some loser. Never again.

I wish I could find the strength to finally end this unhealthy relationship. I
wish I wasn’t so attached to you and didn’t love you as much as I do. I’m
ashamed of myself for being weak and unable to get out of something that
doesn’t feel right and is messed up. God I’m such a fool when it comes to
love…